Category: Boundaries

Determined to Rise

I am excited to announce that I will be speaking at an amazing women’s retreat in 2 weeks.  Determined to Rise hosts retreats for women who have suffered abuse, most commonly betrayal trauma.  It is a jam packed weekend of presentations on healing, recreational therapy, art therapy, yoga, and relaxation.  You can connect with women who have been there, and with resources to heal.  And best of all Determined to Rise does it very inexpensively!  For less than the price of a hotel room, you get everything you need to rejuvenate and move forward: meals, room and board, take homes, and all the activities mentioned above.  I’m honored to join this amazing team as the guest therapist presenter.  I hope to see you all there.  To get more information and register see their website here.  This year’s retreat is themed: Putting My Pieces Together, and I believe will feature a kintsugi art therapy activity.

UCAP St. George

UCAP St George is coming up in just a few weeks.  I’m so excited! There will be speakers and booths with wonderful information for addicts, betrayed spouses, parents who want to teach their children about healthy sexuality, etc.  I look forward to seeing you there!  Come see me at my booth for books, courses, and giveaways!

Summer Course Dates Available

As is often the case approaching the summer, it’s been a scramble to plan activities and vacations.  I finally have my summer course schedules finalized!

  • Betrayal Trauma Healing Course 1 starts Monday June 10th, 10-11:30am MST
  • Betrayal Trauma Healing Course 2 will follow Course 1 and start in August
  • Betrayal Trauma Boundaries Course starts Tuesday June 11th, 10-11:30am MST
  • Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality (Non-Denominational) starts Wednesday June 19th, 10-11:30am MST
  • Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality (Church of Jesus Christ) starts Thursday June 20th, 10-11:30am MST

 

For more details, check out the courses page. And email to sign up!

Summer can be crazy, if you have to miss a week, you can make it up or I can make a recording temporarily available (based on the consent of other participants).

If you want a course but can’t take it during the offered time, let me know, I’d love to try and accommodate you now or in the future.  I do occasionally add additional courses.

Addressing Pornography

Note: This post contains religious content from The Church of Jesus Christ, to which I ascribe.  Take what you like and leave the rest.

I have been derelict in posting about the newer website put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, entitled Addressing Pornography.  I had the opportunity to assist in writing content for parts of this site.  While you may not agree with every word posted, there are some wonderful resources here for those who struggle with porn use, for betrayed spouses, and for parents seeking to protect their children.  I highly recommend checking it out and exploring what content connects with you.

Deciding What Boundaries to Set

There are two helpful questions to ask oneself in the development of boundaries. The first involves asking yourself what you need to find safety and serenity.  The second involves asking yourself what kind of person you want to be.

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What is a Boundary? What are your Motives?

Boundaries can be tricky.  One of the things people I work with often want to know is, “what is a boundary? Give me a list.”  My answer is that it depends on your motive.

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Healing Comes With Safety

For those healing from Betrayal Trauma, one of the first things that needs to be assessed is their current emotional safety.  If they are not emotionally safe, nothing we do in therapy will be very healing. This is one of the reasons I believe that couples therapy is often not useful very early in the recovery/healing process.  The betrayed spouse needs to develop boundaries, and the betraying spouse needs to find some emotional stability and sobriety. Both of these are necessary for them to hold space for the third entity, the relationship, which includes the pain and issues both people bring to it.  Individual healing and recovery must occur to the point where couples are in a space to work on the relationship. Therefore, couples therapy is indicated either when that individual healing and recovery is underway, or when there is a need for conversations as a couple in the development of safety and healing (such as working out the setting of specific safety boundaries, or determining together what “recovery” or “sobriety” looks like as defined by the couple themselves).

The analogy I use is that of a PTSD war vet.  No one would ever conceive of convincing a war veteran to heal and work through his PTSD before he has left combat (technically at that point he wouldn’t be a veteran, but you see the point).  The trauma is ongoing. There needs to be a level of safety present before healing can be attempted. For the betrayal trauma spouse, that safety is boundaries.  

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